Why Do Socks…

Everything you ever wanted to know about socks but were afraid to ask (except when in a dark room while Googling, wearing nothing but socks on your uncommon feet)… Warning: some of this information may be less than factual, so do your own research to confirm the answers we provide.

• Why do socks slide down in shoes?
  • Your shoes are hungry, and so they eat your socks. They would eat your feet too, except that that shoes are a vegan species, and your feet are too meaty.
• Why do socks leave an impression in my skin?
  • Socks are lonely creatures that seek companionship, even if it is only in the form of smelly, hairy feet. They leave an impression because they want you to remember them the next time your feet feel lonely. Think of the indentations down your leg as a sort of love poem.
• Why do socks get lost in the dryer?
  • Most socks do not actually get lost in the dryer; they’re lost in the wash. Washers, like shoes, enjoy eating socks. They are a sneaky species however, much like raccoons, and so they generally eat just one sock at a time, out of fear of discovery. Most people are too oblivious to notice, and so the dryer gets a bad rap even though it’s completely innocent.
• Why do socks always disappear?
  • Socks are the favorite food of a number of species, including shoes and dryers. In addition, mice have been known to steal them to use as bedding for their young.
• Why do socks smell?
  • Socks don’t smell. People smell. There is talk of new sock control laws to be put into motion by Congress, which would eliminate concealed sock-wearing. Soon, people will be required to wear their socks over their pants, rather than under them. Now that stinks.
• Why do socks have grey toes?
  • Only white socks get gray toes. That’s why you should buy colorful socks at Uncommon Feet.
• Why do socks pill?
  • Firstly, we need to define pilling for the sockally-challenged. Pilling is when you get fluffy little balls on fabric, most commonly associated with synthetic fabrics. This is not to be confused with the lint that you find yourself removing from the dryer screen every time you do laundry. Socks pill for the same reason that people pick their noses and roll it into tiny little balls; they have no control over their behavior and lead relatively boring lives.
• Why do socks get holes?
  • Shoes have soles as soon as they are made, but socks become holey over time. A truly enlightened sock is known as a leg warmer.
• Why do socks get crusty?
  • Your socks get crusty because you are a filthy person. Consider bathing more often and doing laundry between wears.
• Why do socks stretch out?
  • Socks are very accommodating creatures. As their host feet stretch due to overeating, socks will accommodate them purely out of love.
• Why do socks make my feet itch?
  • Your feet itch because you haven’t had a pedicure in a while. If you’re not comfortable with other people playing with your feet in a tub of water, then consider hanging a pumice stone in your shower.
• Why do socks stick together in the dryer
  • A tumble is always more enjoyable when it’s taken with a companion. Socks are not much different than people in that regard.
• Why do socks hurt my feet?
  • Your feet probably hurt from your shoes, not your socks. Consider bigger shoes or giving up that foot-binding hobby of yours. Socks, like dryers, get a bad rap when they’re really not at fault for anything.
• Why do socks turn me on?
  • You belong to an elite crowd of uncommon people who are open-minded about everything life has to offer. Socks are sexy, and the wackier the better. Own your sock fetish proudly and stand tall! You are not alone. There are others like you out there, and most of them find their way to this website.